Why Reassurance Does Not Work for Anxious Kids and What Helps Instead
- Lindsay Wolf-Owczarek
- Jan 26
- 3 min read
Child Anxiety and OCD Therapy in Edmonton, AB
If your child asks the same questions over and over, such as “Did you pack my lunch?” “Are you sure I did my homework?” or “What if something bad happens?” you are not alone. Many parents in Edmonton are raising children with anxiety or OCD and find themselves stuck in reassurance cycles. While reassurance feels supportive, it can unintentionally increase anxiety over time.
Why Anxious Kids Ask for Reassurance
Anxiety seeks certainty, and children live in a world full of unknowns. When a child feels unsure, their brain looks for safety, and parents are often the safest place to find it.
Reassurance brings short term relief but does not teach a child how to cope independently. Over time, the brain learns that anxiety is managed by asking again rather than building confidence.
How the Reassurance Loop Works
In children with anxiety or OCD, reassurance often follows a predictable pattern.
A child feels anxious or uncertain.
They ask a parent for reassurance.
The parent reassures them.
Anxiety settles briefly.
Anxiety returns, often stronger.
The child asks again.
This reassurance loop is very common in childhood anxiety and OCD and can become exhausting for families.
Why Reassurance Can Increase Anxiety
Reassurance calms anxiety temporarily but does not teach the brain long term safety. Each time reassurance is given, the brain learns that uncertainty is dangerous and must be resolved immediately. This increases reassurance seeking and decreases confidence over time.
This behavior is not defiance or manipulation. It is a child trying to manage overwhelming emotions.
What Helps Instead
Parents can support anxious children with three small but effective shifts.
Validate the feeling, not the fear.
Name what your child is feeling instead of trying to fix the outcome. Statements like “I can see how worried you are” or “That anxiety feels really loud right now” help children recognize emotions.
Build confidence instead of offering certainty.
Confidence helps children learn they can cope with discomfort. Saying “This feels uncomfortable, but I know you can handle it” supports resilience without feeding anxiety.
Gradually reduce reassurance.
Stopping reassurance suddenly can be overwhelming. Try pausing before answering, asking your child what they think, or reminding them you have already answered the question. Even small reductions can make a difference.
Supporting Children with Anxiety and OCD in Edmonton
Reassurance comes from love, and parents are not doing anything wrong. With small, consistent changes, children can learn to tolerate uncertainty and rely more on their own coping skills.
If you are looking for child anxiety therapy in Edmonton or support for OCD in children and teens, working with a trained therapist can help.
Green Door Clinic offers evidence based therapy for childhood anxiety and OCD and supports families across Edmonton and surrounding areas. We Specialize in Exposure and Response Prevention for Children and Families dealing with OCD. We also have clinicians trained in supporting Autism Spectrum Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorders and Anxiety Disorders.
Book an appointment with a Green Door therapist to get support for your child and your family.
Listen to the Podcast Episode
This blog is based on a full episode of the Parenting Like a Mother podcast, where reassurance loops and anxiety in kids are discussed in more detail.
Listen to the full episode here:
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